The Totally Useless Awards

[-THE OX KING-]

Best imitation of a fighter goes to – Kalib Starnes

Kalib went for a 15 minute jog backwards with Nate Quarry in tow, and got fired for his efforts.

Best stand up comedy routine by a fighter in the ring – Nate Quarry

Nate salvaged what could have been the worst fight of the night with his mocking antics during the fight and his one-liners during the post-fight interview.

Best total mental breakdown by a fighter in the ring – Gabriel Gonzaga

Gabe showed how much of this sport is mental when he demonstrated that all the talent he possesses doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have the will to use it. Fabricio didn’t beat Gonzaga, Gabe quit.

Best in the cage street fight brawl – Paul Kelly vs Paul Taylor

This was an unbelievable throw down with two crazy brits. Both men went all out and never stopped. I didn’t know what was more impressive, the conditioning they both showed or the incredible chins they both possess.



Best Blood Spurt – Joe Stevenson vs BJ Penn

It looked like George Romero directed the second round of the fight. When BJ sunk in that rear naked choke 500,000 people were treated to a 2 foot gusher of blood out of Joe’s face. The positive spin, Stevenson got a sponsorship deal with the American Red Cross.

Best imitation of a Vampire in the Ring – BJ Penn vs Joe Stevenson



Worst Main Event Fight – Josh Burkman vs Mike Swick

This was a snoozefest from front to back, and with two of the more exciting fighters in the division no less.

Best Comebacks of the Year –

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira against Tim Sylvia – Big Nog was getting his face mauled for 12 minutes of this fight until he got his first chance on the ground and took full advantage of it and choked out Tim with a guillotine choke.

Nate Diaz against Kurt Pellegrino – Nate was getting schooled on his feet and on the ground, even almost getting TKO’d at one point in the 1st round. Then comes back in the second and catches a very slick Pellegrino in a triangle choke. Beautiful.
Wilson Gouveia against Jason Lambert – Lambert stomped Gouveia for the first round, totally dominating the stand up action. Walked out completely confident in the second and walked into a Gouveia haymaker and that’s all she wrote.

Frank Mir against Brock Lesnar – No one knew what to expect from Lesnar, including Mir. 90 seconds later we saw a truly explosive monster and a beautiful knee bar from the former world champ.

Best Performance Out of Nowhere- Tim Boetsch

Boetsch strutted in with a 5-1 record and 3 weeks notice and proceeded to make David Heath look like a child next to him. Boetsch capped off his wonderful performance with a rag-doll throw and TKO of Heath.

Best Over-Hyped Fight that Turned Out to be a Dud –

Anderson Silva vs Dan Henderson – Anderson showed who is number one in the world, and did it in quick and decisive fashion to the dismay of the fans. We need a rematch!

Gesias Calvancante Sherdog.com - Serving up Heaping Fistfuls of Mixed Martial Arts Shinya Aoki – Billed as the two best lightweights in the world, and taking three scheduled bouts to actually happen, Aoki smothered the electric "JZ" and grappled to a decisive but lackluster decision.

Best Rebirth of a Fighter –

BJ Penn – Went from a talented but under achieving fighter to the best lightweight fighter in the world in 10 months. Pretty impressive.



Honorable Mention – Heath Herring – An up and down career, one point number 2 in the world to an uninspired loss to Jake O"brien. He gathered the shattered pieces and got a whole new training team and regimen together and put the best heath we have seen in the cage against Kongo. I look forward to his match up with Lesnar.

Most Mismatched Fight –



Marcus Aurelio vs Ryan Roberts – Although a last minute replacement, Roberts was steamrolled into an armbar submission 16 seconds into the tilt. Talk about wasted airfare.

Mirko Filipovic vs Tatsuya Mizuno – Crocop was so desperate to fight and shake off the cobwebs that DREAM granted his wish with this poor victim. Mizuno was pummeled in 56 seconds. Leave it to the Japanese.

Biggest Crash back to Reality – Houston Alexander

Making a huge splash with knockouts of Jardine and Sakara, the UFC was selling tickets for a ride on the bandwagon. A thrashing by amateur-mass-murderer Thiago Silva and a flash KO to James Irvin later and everyone is happy he held on to his Radio DJ career.

Most Obvious Fight Result – Georges St Pierre TKO rd2 vs Matt Serra

Did anyone think this would end differently who didn’t have the last name Serra?



Best Submission escape – Rich Franklin vs Travis Lutter

I have kissed the derriere of Franklin in previous articles, and this move is a reason why. Absolutely beautiful escape from a sunk-in armbar from a worldclass grappler.

Best fight card of the year so far – UFC 84 Ill Will

Three headline-worthy bouts and stocked with new and impressive talent, they demonstrated why they are the pinnacle of the sport.

Best comeback of a fighter that everyone thought was over the hill – Wanderlei Silva

Not ashamed to say I am an unabashed nuthugger of Wandy and fights like this is the reason. He is 31 and still at his peak. Can’t wait to see the next victim….I mean, fight.

Best First appearances by a rookie fighter – Cain Velasquez

Shane Carwin

Yoshiyuki Yoshida

Dong Hyun Kim

Goran Reljic

Joe Silva and company have done their homework and its showing. Five new fighters and all have shown flashes of sheer brilliance. I have my shades on because the future is bright.

Submission of the year – Rousimar Palhares

He is another disciple of the Brazilian Top Team camp, and you can see the wizardry already. Built like a tank but moves like a featherweight, Rousimar will be a force in the Middleweight division. Looks like a clone of Paulo Filho.



Most Vomit-Inducing Moment in MMA this year – Mark Kerr with his shirt off

Nuff said.

Most Improved Fighter of the Year – Eddie Alvarez

From my home town, Eddie might just steal the show at the DREAM lightweight Tournament and take it all. He has already beaten two favorites and put up a fight of the year candidate.

Fight of the Year – Rampage vs street sign on The Ultimate Fighter 7

Eddie Alvarez vs Joachim Hansen

Like I said above, this is the fight of the year so far hands down. Someone will be hard-pressed to outshine these two. The definition of a WAR in the ring.

Worst Showing of the Year – Dennis Kang vs Gegard Mousasi

I am a Denis Kang fan, but this was one of his worst performances ever. Coming off a knockout loss to Akiyama, this is not what Denis was looking for. Mousasi should send Kang a fruit basket for gift wrapping that triangle choke.

Scariest Man on the Planet- Wanderlei Silva

Nuff said

Knockout of the Year - Yves Edwards vs James Edson Berto

This was an unbelievable fight and an advertisement for the whole lightweight division. These two energizer bunnies had me on the edge of my seat for their whole fight. Edwards is one of the most exciting fighters on the planet.

Wanderlei Silva vs Keith Jardine

No one believed in Wanderlei anymore except Wanderlei(and me!). he came out and overwhelmed an over-rated Keith jardine. A 36 second, knock-stiff knockout later, Jardine has a fractured nasal cavity and Wanderlei has his career back.